My story

Hello, as this is a new blog page and the first post I thought it should be my journey with mental health. 

Trigger warning- mentions of self harm and suicide. 

I had a pretty normal upbringing, well from what I can remember. It’s weird because cause I don’t actually remember anything until the age of like 8. I was always a pretty lonely child. Was always happy playing on my own and playing pretend games with my grandma.

When I wasn’t around 11, things started going very wrong. I became aware of the drug use that was around me. By 12, I knew that my mother was a coke addict and my step dad, at the time, was a heroin addict. I realised so many things around this time, for example, our little midnight feast outings to get sweets weren’t to get sweets at all. By the time I was 13, I couldn’t cope with it. My mum was getting herself in states where I’d have to look after my little sisters quite a lot, my step dad used to smoke crack around my baby sister, I couldn’t have friends round because I was so embarrassed. I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t want to tell anyone what was going on at home as I didn’t want to go into care. So I moved into my granddads. 

School was okay, I never really hadn’t any friends and I always felt isolated and like nobody liked me. 

I started self harming when I was 14. For me it was a release as I had no one to talk to. Yes it did help& no I don’t regret it. People at school started finding out and I got bullied, I got called an attention seeker, it was all fake, blah blah blah. Not even my family believed me. I felt so alone and so scared. I barley went to school after this. 

A year later was the first time I tried to kill myself. I don’t really know why I did it but something just tipped me over the edge. At this point, I was barley speaking to my dad, his wife and myself hadn’t never really gotten on. My grandma also died in the February. This made me feel so lost but I was so in denial at first. I was fine at first. Then it hit me. I had also discovered the boy universe at this point, so I literally went off the rails. I can’t really remember any of it but I know that it’s involved  never going to school and just spiralling completely. I wasn’t supposed to sit my exams at school but I did, I failed all of the though but hey, at least I tried. 

I went to college and did my level 2 health and social care course. I had an amazing group of friends who I loved dearly. Everything was okay at this point in my life. I mean, my mum was still a drug addict but her and my step dad were no longer together. This we’re getting better. Then I met a boy. This boy was the most vile human I have ever met. I mean, he was mentally and physically abusive. Told me what I could and couldn’t wear, called me fat and disgusting. Slept with his ex in my bed. So that made everything feel awful again. Made me feel worthless. I cried all the time and I just had enough. Attempted suicide number 4. ( not going to list all suicides). I managed to get myself out of that relationship with the help of my amazing friends at the time.  I completed my level 2 with a double pass.

Now; I have not self harmed in 5 months, I have my own place and am working towards all the qualifications needed to do my paramedic course at University. I have my own place with my amazing boyfriend. My mum is still a drug addict and social services are heavily involved but you can’t have everything! 

I started this blog because I feel as though I can help support people who are going through the same thing or have been. I also believe that it is better to be open and I’m not embarrassed about my mental health. Sometimes it just nice to know your not on your own! 

This isn’t as in depth as it could have been but it’s the basic outline. 

Feel free to message my Instagram page if you ever need any help/ support: 

Mental_health_supportxx